I originally read the communion one and now I’ve gone back to the beginning of CU. While your writing here may be focused on those in academia- the general thoughts regarding identity are universal for anyone whose lifelong dreams didn’t carry us to our deathbed. Does that make
Sense?: like, I put all my efforts into becoming someone then slowly realized this isn’t who I want to keep becoming. - which parts do I keep? Which pieces were a part I was playing and who am I now? It’s exciting! I love thinking about these things. I’m looking forward to reading more.
Thank you so much for this comment, and for reading any of this, Beth! I am so glad that you are getting something out of it. We'll have to sneak away from the fam next Sunday for a chat 😍
I'm eager to watch your project unfold, Liz! Your divorce metaphor reminds me of how I felt a little over a year ago, when my separation from academe was complete. I thought I'd need to give it all up, purify myself from academe. And I did uncover some habits of mind and markers of identity that I was ready to shed. But surprisingly I found myself returning to some of those original sources of pleasure: intellectual curiosity, even research. I'll be interested to see what sticks with you and what falls away on this journey.
Yes! There is so much to hold onto. I mean both personally, as you suggest here. But also academia is important--creating new knowledge, documenting and understanding the past, interpreting the present. And sharing all of it with young minds. It’s all critical and I don’t want to forget that either.
I look forward to reading this. I had to leave academe for health reasons and have spent years untangling my mixed feelings, along with considerable resentment, over the ordeal. But I’ve reached some peace after therapy and a lot of mental work.
I went through a divorce at around the same time as I quit one of my abusive adjunct faculty jobs. I'd been an adjunct prof, and married to that gaslighter, through the same 20 years. It hit me like a brick that the job and the individual were abusing me in exactly the same way. That was the catalyst for my memoir. :)
It takes a lot to uncouple from academia--sometimes, like living under a gaslighter, it takes time to even realize how badly you're being treated. And in my case as an adjunct, often we're financially abused as well, stuck there scrabbling for crumbs.
Kind of? It was the same abuse, so the connection (besides the fact that it happened at around the same time) was, I think, centered on me not taking it anymore, from either of them. The divorce from the person made me think harder about what the institution was doing to me, which opened up more options. Being released from one trap, in other words, helped to loosen the bonds of the other.
I already appreciate your apparently more balanced voice, as I read it…far more balanced than the voice in my own head! I also appreciate your immediate acknowledgment of the inequitable structuring of the industry. Secretly hoping that you will eventually also address inequities of class for faculty (why are adjuncts paid disrespectful, exploitative, and inhumane wages? or why are there such massive differences in workload, salary, etc depending on where a person works? etc). Eager to read what you write next!
Thank you for this. And you are so right, there is a lot to think about w/respect to class systems within departments, universities, and across the country. I am secretly scared to approach this, as I’ve always floated right to the top--a scientist, on the tenure track, and at a well-endowed private university. I guess the short answer is “capitalism” . . . !!
Sad and happy to see your new adventure. Good luck, Tae Seok Moon
I originally read the communion one and now I’ve gone back to the beginning of CU. While your writing here may be focused on those in academia- the general thoughts regarding identity are universal for anyone whose lifelong dreams didn’t carry us to our deathbed. Does that make
Sense?: like, I put all my efforts into becoming someone then slowly realized this isn’t who I want to keep becoming. - which parts do I keep? Which pieces were a part I was playing and who am I now? It’s exciting! I love thinking about these things. I’m looking forward to reading more.
Thank you so much for this comment, and for reading any of this, Beth! I am so glad that you are getting something out of it. We'll have to sneak away from the fam next Sunday for a chat 😍
I'm eager to watch your project unfold, Liz! Your divorce metaphor reminds me of how I felt a little over a year ago, when my separation from academe was complete. I thought I'd need to give it all up, purify myself from academe. And I did uncover some habits of mind and markers of identity that I was ready to shed. But surprisingly I found myself returning to some of those original sources of pleasure: intellectual curiosity, even research. I'll be interested to see what sticks with you and what falls away on this journey.
Yes! There is so much to hold onto. I mean both personally, as you suggest here. But also academia is important--creating new knowledge, documenting and understanding the past, interpreting the present. And sharing all of it with young minds. It’s all critical and I don’t want to forget that either.
I look forward to reading this. I had to leave academe for health reasons and have spent years untangling my mixed feelings, along with considerable resentment, over the ordeal. But I’ve reached some peace after therapy and a lot of mental work.
I went through a divorce at around the same time as I quit one of my abusive adjunct faculty jobs. I'd been an adjunct prof, and married to that gaslighter, through the same 20 years. It hit me like a brick that the job and the individual were abusing me in exactly the same way. That was the catalyst for my memoir. :)
It takes a lot to uncouple from academia--sometimes, like living under a gaslighter, it takes time to even realize how badly you're being treated. And in my case as an adjunct, often we're financially abused as well, stuck there scrabbling for crumbs.
Two divorces at the same time! Did you feel like they were connected in some way?
Kind of? It was the same abuse, so the connection (besides the fact that it happened at around the same time) was, I think, centered on me not taking it anymore, from either of them. The divorce from the person made me think harder about what the institution was doing to me, which opened up more options. Being released from one trap, in other words, helped to loosen the bonds of the other.
I already appreciate your apparently more balanced voice, as I read it…far more balanced than the voice in my own head! I also appreciate your immediate acknowledgment of the inequitable structuring of the industry. Secretly hoping that you will eventually also address inequities of class for faculty (why are adjuncts paid disrespectful, exploitative, and inhumane wages? or why are there such massive differences in workload, salary, etc depending on where a person works? etc). Eager to read what you write next!
Thank you for this. And you are so right, there is a lot to think about w/respect to class systems within departments, universities, and across the country. I am secretly scared to approach this, as I’ve always floated right to the top--a scientist, on the tenure track, and at a well-endowed private university. I guess the short answer is “capitalism” . . . !!