I haven’t solved this either, but it’s starting to feel better. And sometimes how it looks to others isn’t at all how we think it looks. Not everyone has the courage to take the leap we did. And even if we are honest about our fears and hangups, I don’t think people whose opinions we care about are judging us as failures. They might be feeling more admiration and respect than we ever got from faking our knowledge of a book we never read.
You are definitely right about having no idea how things look to others. I do wish I cared only about the opinion of folks who wouldn't judge me as a failure, but unfortunately I am invested in the opinion of literally everyone . . . 🫠
I agree with Joshua! Divest, divest! I was certainly raised to care whether people liked me, which was an awful trait to have as an academic. It meant I did a lot more service than other people and said yes way too often. And whether they respected me, which is different. After a while I realized I didn’t respect a lot of people in academia so I cared less what they thought about me. But this pressure to be seen as hard-working, as a badge of honor, was ever-present. Who among us was sacrificing her health and happiness to get all the things done? That was the contest. It’s insane!
Although I was in the Humanities, all of this rings so true. We learn as academics to be constantly judging others—students, colleagues—and ourselves. It’s like the panopticon! I never thought of this before. But this is why academia is such a hostile environment. Thank you for this insight. And it feels great to not be in it anymore!! What it looks like—I care less about that. In general I care less about what people think about me. Thank God. My 50s are much happier in that respect.
I haven’t solved this either, but it’s starting to feel better. And sometimes how it looks to others isn’t at all how we think it looks. Not everyone has the courage to take the leap we did. And even if we are honest about our fears and hangups, I don’t think people whose opinions we care about are judging us as failures. They might be feeling more admiration and respect than we ever got from faking our knowledge of a book we never read.
You are definitely right about having no idea how things look to others. I do wish I cared only about the opinion of folks who wouldn't judge me as a failure, but unfortunately I am invested in the opinion of literally everyone . . . 🫠
I agree with Joshua! Divest, divest! I was certainly raised to care whether people liked me, which was an awful trait to have as an academic. It meant I did a lot more service than other people and said yes way too often. And whether they respected me, which is different. After a while I realized I didn’t respect a lot of people in academia so I cared less what they thought about me. But this pressure to be seen as hard-working, as a badge of honor, was ever-present. Who among us was sacrificing her health and happiness to get all the things done? That was the contest. It’s insane!
Divest, divest!
Although I was in the Humanities, all of this rings so true. We learn as academics to be constantly judging others—students, colleagues—and ourselves. It’s like the panopticon! I never thought of this before. But this is why academia is such a hostile environment. Thank you for this insight. And it feels great to not be in it anymore!! What it looks like—I care less about that. In general I care less about what people think about me. Thank God. My 50s are much happier in that respect.
I care less . . .unless I go onto LinkedIn and then suddenly I care a lot more.
Spit out the hook! I'm trying . . . (thank you for your comment, as always!)